The Day I Realized Running IS My New Normal…

I’m not sure when it sunk in.

Maybe it was when making a double batch of mac & cheese that use to feed 3 of us for several meals, that now makes enough to spread over maybe two meals.

Or that making a single batch of cookies pretty much means enough for each person to have like 2/each and maybe a few to tuck into a couple lunches.

Or perhaps in the production line assembly for school lunch making I had going on…or the fact that I look forward to Mondays now more than the weekends, because the weekends are even crazier than the weekdays…

But, whenever it was, I woke up and looked around and said “Oh, hello! New normal…that feels more like a marathon than, ya know, walking…”

Or something like that.

It used to be just two of us. And when we’d just gotten married, and lived in a little tiny farm house just outside College Station, Texas while my husband was finishing up school, life was pretty simple.

Weekends pretty much consisted of sleeping in till whenever we wanted, maybe taking a trip to the local farmers market, and catching up with friends for lunch or dinner, staying up as late as we wanted because, as already mentioned, we could sleep in! Sometimes we’d head back home to visit family or take a day trip. We took in movies whenever and life {now looking back} was pretty darned relaxed!

Simple. Laundry for two, cooking for two. Easy Peasy!

Then along came our first born.

There was no more sleeping in, but it was still just three of us, so pretty simple for outings and whatnot. At least, it seemed like it was easier.

{Who am I kidding, I was a first-time mom…EVERYTHING felt like a BIG DEAL}

It was definitely life-changing, and exhausting at times with a new little person depending on me for everything, but it was manageable.

{But really, I totally had major freak out first-time mom moments. And plenty of them}

Fast forward several years and 3 more kiddos….

Life is crazy busy and never still. Ever.

I think since bringing our second home, I have felt like I’ve constantly been running. Yet, I wasn’t realizing it. Not really. I mean, I knew I was busy, and so many crazy adjustments and things, I kinda just got lost in it all and didn’t realize the pace on the treadmill had kicked up a notch.

Then…THEN it really kicked up a notch when we found out we were expecting TWINS.

{seriously unexpected, but oh so awesome littles they are! If you’ve never seen it, here is how we announced it:https://vimeo.com/54997660 and here is the gender reveal:https://vimeo.com/60801167 }

I think I’ve felt like I’ve been on a treadmill under water ever since.

And I think I was able to come up for air just long enough to realize that this is really what it’s like now. The running thing? This IS my new normal. Life is crazy-busy and chaotic and silly, and fun and just insane at times. Yup.

You see, mostly I’m a pretty private person. Yes, I blog things out here and there, but for the most part, until more recently, I just stayed in my underwater world and just kept chugging along. And typically if I cannot make it to an event or outing, or whatever, there is a very good reason.

I’m an introvert that needs re-charging. And I like my family. And I like being with them when we can and I will always, ALWAYS choose them over an event.

But, within my little family world that has grown from just two of us to six of us, I’ve had to make adjustments. And I’ve had to work on some things…

Like realizing that this life? This running? It’s just gotta be taken and accepted.

I’ve surprised myself in the ways that I have grown and changed. And, honestly, having one child with special needs, and then twins added to that? Well, I’ve definitely grown in ways. Good ways. I am far more relaxed than I used to be.

I think I even surprised a friend the other day that had asked if she could stop by for a minute and I said yes! It was a quick visit, but I was good with it. Admittedly, I’m not always….I kinda like planned out things, but sometimes life doesn’t give you much planning time and you just gotta roll with it or miss out!

My house definitely wasn’t in perfect order, and ya know what?! I was mostly OK with it. I mean, who cares that I still had a couple christmas items out that I’d forgotten to put away? Or dishes in the sink? And ya know, laundry might have been on the sofa to be folded….

But, I’ve learned a lot about myself, and I’m learning to be okay with being more vulnerable and transparent. And being honest with myself that it’s absolutely OKAY not to have it all together all the time.

So, running…I will be running for some distance in this role as mama and this season of parenting.

Sometimes I think about the season where we won’t be running quite as much, when our kiddos are older, and I’m not really sure what to think about it. It will be different after so much running.

Perhaps in the midst of this season of running, I need to keep in mind how relax too…and that it’s OKAY to allow myself to….

Stop It Already! {a tale of growing children}

The other day my oldest came over to me and gave me a hug.

My OLDEST. I love that he still does this. What I don’t love, yet still love, but don’t? That he’s only about a head away from being taller than me. TALLER.

How is this possible?? Tears immediately stung my eyes.

Then…THEN he has the nerve to say “by summer I’m going to be this much taller! And not too long from that I’ll be taller than you, mom!”

Seriously kid. I can now wear your shoes…I don’t need a reminder about how much sooner you’re going to be taller than I am.

No matter, I hugged him back tightly and said “shut up shut up shut up. And I love you”.

And my husband kinda laughed at me, and I shot him a look that said “you hush too! this is a BIG deal!”

Then, I was tucking the littles into bed. My youngest boy was wanting some extra mama snuggles.

His twin sister was already fast asleep in her crib, so I picked him up and sat in the rocker. He immediately put his head on my shoulder and snuggled in close.

And those darn tears stung my eyes again.

As I held him, I thought just ten years ago I was holding my oldest like this! It can’t possibly have been that long ago! Can it? Nooo….

Yet, it is. My oldest and youngest two being ten years a part definitely can bring back memories when new milestones are hit.

And ten years doesn’t seem that far a part. Not when you say ten years anyway, but when you say a decade…a DECADE!! It’s sounds like a really, really long time. And kills me dead you guys!

Ten years. It. Has. Zoomed!

And as I held my baby boy, and cried silent tears as us mamas often do…you know, when our littles are asleep and oh so angelic…and quiet…I realized just how quickly already he has grown. And I see both my babies barreling towards 2 years at a rate of speed I wish would just S L O W down for a few moments. To let me soak it in a little longer.

But grow these littles will. And each new year and milestone made, I will celebrate. Because as much as I know I will miss them being little, I know how amazing it will be to see them grow into the amazing adults they will become.

But for now, I will sniff their heads after bath time, and shed a few tears every time I clean out their clothes they’ve grown out of.

And I will marvel at my older two as they grow and grow, and even when my eldest passes me in height, I will embrace it all.

And I will tell him to SHUSH when he reminds me how much taller he is than his mama.

Because I can.

Coffee, Blogging and Confessions

Confession time:

It’s after 2pm. I have approximately 30 minutes before my one kiddo’s school bus arrives, and shortly thereafter, if not sooner, the babies will wake from their naps.

And I.am.tired.

I just sat myself down on the sofa, hot coffee in hand, and I looked around and saw CHAOS. The twinnies were extra extra busy babies this morning. And in my attempt to change out the laundry {and I wasn’t looking} they got hold of sidewalk chalk their older siblings left within reach and drew all over the living room floor. And then emptied out the DVD drawer that I haven’t managed to child proof. So there are now DVD’s and chalk strewn throughout the downstairs.

And there are crumbs from lunch still on the floor in the kitchen…and some trailed into the just vacuumed living room, and scattered about on the floor. The same floor covered in toddler chalk drawings….

And, at first glance, one would never know I had JUST cleaned it all up last night and it actually looked relatively civilized.

It was. This morning. Promise.

And I have a bazzillion things on my checklist I need to actually get checked off. And I kinda feel it’s one of those days I’m simply a hamster on a wheel and just getting absolutely no where…and getting there rather fast.

Laundry, menu planning, church stuff, dinner prep, homework, diaper changes….and I swear every.single.diaper {times 2} today has been poopy.
{sorry if that’s TMI, but I DO have twin toddlers. Poop happens around here}

And it’s days like these that can be discouraging. Because of the mundane. Because of the feeling like nothing is getting done or will get done or keeps having to get done. Again. And it’s easy to fall pray to the “you’re not enough” whispers.

So easy to feel like what I’m doing is not enough. Not enough one on one time with each kiddo, or not enough blogging, or not enough {insert whatever here}.

Oh and how easy the comparison voice sneaks in too! “what? you haven’t posted in over a week?! but so and so has and they have like 20 kids and homeschool and, and, and…”

UGH. And I think, heck! I don’t have 20 kids. And I don’t homeschool. I’ve got 4 kids, 2 of them go to school OUTSIDE the house. 2 are twin toddlers that take up pretty much all my extra time. Sleep? I’ve heard it’s nice, but no time to sleep…too much to get done when THEY ARE asleep! Blogging? My WORD! Sometimes it takes me days {seriously} to get a blog post finished. Or sometimes I’m able to type one or two out within an hour. Just depends…

And yet, I think “how are THEY getting it all done?”…these other mamas and papas.

It’s a vicious cycle, isn’t it? Comparison. Not enough. Do more, be more…

But, I also recognize that the work I do? The “job” of being a mom? Is pretty darned important. I’m raising little people that will become grown up people. That’s kinda a BIG deal you guys! Tiny humans that will become all grown up and out in the world people that will take on new and exciting things in their lives.

Aaaannnd, they will need to know how to do their own laundry and cook and things. Because, seriously, those are important survival skills. And this mama isn’t going to be doing it forever!

But, it is something they need to learn. And it’s us parents very important task of teaching them. It’s important work. It’s amazing work. And sometimes it involves chalk drawings on the living room floor.

It’s a season.

Oh, hey, look! The bus is here….until next time!